Bartender...Another drink please?
Another late night. Not able to sleep. To many thoughts, memories, some good.....some bad going through this little warped mind of mine. This month , on the 25th will mark the 2 year anniversary since my baby girl died at the tender age of 10. I keep thinking that there will be just one day. ONE FUCKING day where she won't pop into my mind. But every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed, her beautiful face and eyes are with me. I have ab MP3 player that her big sister gave to her about a month before she died and she recorded some really goofy stuff on there. I listen to it and cry, knowing I will never ever hear that silly voice of hers. I am so happy to have that precious keepsake. I also have video's of her. I mean I can't bring myself to actually watch the video's because she is actually moving and talking and acting like Lizzy acted, silly, she never had a problem making other people laugh, I hope one day I will be able to pull those video's out and instead of crying I will laugh at the good times.
I try to put things into perspective and see the good in people and things that happen. This, the death of our daughter I never thought there would be anything good again, do you know what it feels like to not see all of the beautiful colors? It is like everything is black and white in the world, the colors are dull to me. Seasons come and go and it is like I don't even notice. Well I think I am starting to notice the colors again some what and I have met this great couple who let me talk to them about Lizzy. They are not scared to hear her name, nor or they scared of mentioning her name. I am thankful to them for that. I wish they knew just how much they help.
My two younger boys are laying here next to me in the bed since my husband is out of town. Since Lizzy died I try not to take each moment for granted, because the week before she died my husband was out of town for work like he is at the moment and I remember this moment just as it would have happened yesterday. She came into my room that night and asked me if she could sleep in the bed with me since one of the boys was sleeping with me, I told her No. And I told her that because it would be crowded with the three of us in bed. If I could change that I would say yes in a heartbeat to have had her sleep with me, I loved watching her sleep. She had the cutest little snore and now I will never hear it again. So with things like that I think about stuff a little more now. It may be something small but just think about it, what if it were your child and you knew they were going to be gone forever, you would want to spend as much time with your child as you could right? So I guess what I am saying is that if your kid wants a pack of gum at the store, that toy they have been wanting, or if they just want to climb in the bed with you at night just do it ok? You won't be spoiling him/her trust me. You will be glad that you did it. Cause you just never know..............
To The Moon And Back, I Love you Lizzy.......See you again someday.
I try to put things into perspective and see the good in people and things that happen. This, the death of our daughter I never thought there would be anything good again, do you know what it feels like to not see all of the beautiful colors? It is like everything is black and white in the world, the colors are dull to me. Seasons come and go and it is like I don't even notice. Well I think I am starting to notice the colors again some what and I have met this great couple who let me talk to them about Lizzy. They are not scared to hear her name, nor or they scared of mentioning her name. I am thankful to them for that. I wish they knew just how much they help.
My two younger boys are laying here next to me in the bed since my husband is out of town. Since Lizzy died I try not to take each moment for granted, because the week before she died my husband was out of town for work like he is at the moment and I remember this moment just as it would have happened yesterday. She came into my room that night and asked me if she could sleep in the bed with me since one of the boys was sleeping with me, I told her No. And I told her that because it would be crowded with the three of us in bed. If I could change that I would say yes in a heartbeat to have had her sleep with me, I loved watching her sleep. She had the cutest little snore and now I will never hear it again. So with things like that I think about stuff a little more now. It may be something small but just think about it, what if it were your child and you knew they were going to be gone forever, you would want to spend as much time with your child as you could right? So I guess what I am saying is that if your kid wants a pack of gum at the store, that toy they have been wanting, or if they just want to climb in the bed with you at night just do it ok? You won't be spoiling him/her trust me. You will be glad that you did it. Cause you just never know..............
To The Moon And Back, I Love you Lizzy.......See you again someday.
posted by 3libras at
11:46 PM
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